Dream II

You told me, "Hey, look at this," and put your hand in mine. I held your hand and leaned in to see a small bite, maybe from a spider. Not wanting to let go just yet, "Oh, yeah," and went to rub it lightly with my thumb. While your hand was resting on mine, your pinky and ring fingers curled and stroked my palm. A little embarrassed for the length of this, I thought to pull away, but somehow we scooted closer, with our knees weaving together.

Dream I

I'm at Mandy's house and although it is morning, she offers me something to drink, asking, "do you want any alcohol?" Smiling and looking mischievous.

6-3-11

Cried for who knows how long until I fell asleep, unbeknownst to her. She left while I was sleeping, half asleep. A good-bye and, "I love you," that I think I dreamed. Now, I'm left alone--did last night happen? It did. Now, I feel, it's the calm before the storm. The eye of the storm. She's gone. I weigh myself, this month's low. Everything feels heavy. I lay in bed naked, with a pillow over my face. I feel something big coming, my bones are aching.
     Draw the blinds.
     Get drunk at 3:00 p.m.

Slim one,
Why the slender face?
Why the small waist?
Why dresses
And bare skin?
Why devoted time
To dolling up?
All this prep & care
Is working towards something,
And what?
For nothing.
You don't get what you want, and
You don't foresee it.

Even someone so kind
With such kind words
Is full of toxins,
seeping into me.

You're so negligent
With your abuse--
You often forget,
Leaving it with me.

My trust runs deep within you,
A mass-trans bridge
For your poison
Into my sanity.

"I'm so comfortable with you."
"I haven't been this at-ease since I don't know when."
"This feels really good, right?"

Oh, how you forget,
Leaving it with me,
Toxins.