I feel nervous, not knowing 

But then there are these moments

Like the way I made you laugh in the car

And you cupped my cheek in your hand

Or the time you woke up

With your head on my chest

And tilted up to kiss me

Still half asleep

You know you lightly snore

And it is the cutest thing

It’s these things I try to ignore

To not get too attached

To not potentially hurt

But also the things I try to remember

When I wonder if I should be

Hopeful or sentimental

Investing my tender self

I haven't in a long time
But that's not on you
How could you know?
That I was actually gentle, tender and afraid

My heart beats so loudly
And I can't ignore it
I do it to myself
I did this all to myself
I got myself deeper and deeper in
I brought this all on myself

"My ideas were always too big.
My love is always too big.
Too much. I do this to myself.
I should do everything small, sedated."

Teetering on the precipice
Uncertain of which direction
I will tumble damnably down
Careening toward unplanned ventures